Funny Car Updates #15 2/9/00 - 4/5/00

First: the bozo of the day:
Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California
where bozo Joshua Moreno had been placed under a
restraining order by his wife. Bozo Joshua wanted this order lifted,
so he did what any bozo would do. He went before the judge to
make the request...pretending to be his wife. Complete with a
dress, high heels, red lipstick, long black wig and speaking in
a high pitched falsetto voice. Maybe it was his five o'clock
shadow that gave him away. The judge was not fooled and had our bozo arrested.

2/9/00
Hope you enjoy the following having received it from
friend Rob Anderson.  This caused more than my usual
chuckle (I am in the process of making my signs!!!).
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say,
"I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would
you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like,
"Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one
of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out,
looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said,
"Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. Said, "Nope.  I was
driving around and those other three just swelled right
up on me.  Here's your sign."

OK, what’s that got to do with FC Racing? Everything,
frankly. Had I NOT gotten STUPID advice along the way,
I’d be about 10 engines richer, a whole FC project ahead
of the game (I’d have bought the original Jordan Bros
Top Alcohol car, remember??), and innumerable small
projects ahead of now. Speaking of now, we installed the
pre-finished Maple doors on the garage cabinets today,
and Jason is presently dialing in the birch face frames.
These are NICE-looking cabinets, particularly for a
garage. These are identical to the style of the trailer
cabinets. The sliding doors are practical for
earthquakes, don’t bang the side of the car, and don’t
hit us in the face! Tis is a good thing. Talked to body
shop Nick today, who promises to call me tonight to get
more real on doing the paint (does this sound like a
perpetual echo?). As Dan Church has still remained
incognito, Nick is searching for someone else to do the
blocking and sanding preparatory to the final paint. I
have been bidding my butt off, so haven’t really been
able to do it myself. However, given the state of utter
poverty right now (like I’ve been kidding before?), I
may do it myself. It’s a maddening two-edged sword: when
I’m busy and have the cash, I can’t take the time to
ignore jobs. When I’m broke and have the time, I have to
bid until something pops. Sound familiar? On other
fronts, mine has diminished considerably, about 20
pounds or so. Mr. Protein to you. After about 2 months
on this, it is still workable, although I had the MOST
realistic dream of eating a dripping, warm, honey-soaked
cinnamon roll last night!
The Condor still sits in the driveway, as I again run
out of time each day. Randy did grab my headers this
morning to trial fit his body and engine combo, prior to
him sending his body out for painting. So someone is
making a little progress on a FC. He’s busy tonight
delivering his El Camino on that AWESOME three-car trade
mentioned in the last newsletter. Tonight is CIFCA
meeting night (second Wednesday of each month), and as
Randy is not available, the new year 2000 posters are
not yet printed, Bible Bob is going there on his own,
and Dirty Dave McDannel is motoring over there from
places not nearby, I’ll pass on the solo 100-mile round
trip and work in the garage. Son Mike just called and is
on his way. He’s great. It just takes one other person
to make it happen, and he’s doing it. Thank you, Mikey!

2/10/00
We got the final LARGE mirror hung in the gym (again,
working on NOT leaving things around until they break),
hung the fire bottles, and set the stiffening strip in
front of the roof hatch. Jason and Rick have continued
on the cabinets, getting the 40’ of under-cabinet lights
hooked up, adding two more 4-outlet plugs, relocating
the phone a bit, and putting trim panels on the
cabinets. They really do look fine. The inside of the
house is still overloaded with un-filed STUFF (I swear
my wife just creates this stuff in the dark). It appears
I will never get ahead of her stuff-count. In that vein,
my “stupid” friend noted: It's like before my wife and I
moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a
U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and
says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up
once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.
Here's your sign." ‘Course, given what I do with this FC
operation, and the struggle with the stuff, I may need
my OWN sign! I look fondly at the cabinets knowing full
well I can pack them full in 20 minutes. Decided to
clean the wiring up as follows: we’ve eliminated the old
Auto Meter Pro Control rev limiter (never worked). That
frees up a lot of wiring runs to the front of the car.
I’m relocating the shift module right under the shifter,
thus eliminating all the wiring forward of the engine.
I’ve pulled the reset button for the old rev limiter and
its wiring off the steering wheel as well. I’ve found
some of the brake lines, and loosely connected those.
Still missing the right front side, though. I’m trying
to chase down ONE Deist fire bottle bracket (I have
three, go figure, and a pair of other ones). Also
cleaned out some of the 85 Akro bins now mounted on the
wall for the bolt crib. Once those bins are fairly
cleaned (translation: throw stuff away), I’ll dunk all
the VERY dirty Akro bins and start building the bolt
inventory. Exactly per throwing stuff, an inspector just
showed up to kindly suggest I get rid of the west yard
area MESS. Thank you for sharing.
Dumb law: Women may not drive in a house coat.
Dumb law: Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same
house.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Stebbins of Erie,
Pennsylvania for sending in today's bozo. From Wheeling,

Illinois comes the story of bozo Mary Hopkins who was a
cashier at the local Wal-Mart. Mary would copy down
customers' credit card numbers and then buy merchandise
for herself from the same Wal-Mart using those stolen
credit card numbers. Being a bozo, however, Mary made it very
easy for the cops to catch her. She used the stolen card

numbers but used her real name on the receipts so she
could receive her employee discount on each purchase.

2/11/00
Did a dump run with SOME of the west yard crap.
Unfortunately, we had to dump a truckload of other job
junk before doing another run for ourselves. I’ll work
on loading the truck when it looks to be dry for a few
hours, likely Saturday afternoon. Gee, Maybe I could do
the header flange templates then, too! Son Mike said
he’ll try for two days this week, maybe Sunday (that’s
if skiing doesn’t interfere), and Wednesday. Laur
dropped by, and we talked about the fire system, brake
lines, wiring, etc. The old adage of he’s forgotten more
than I’ll ever know is very real with him. His car will
be a diamond, no doubt. He will unquestionably embarrass
me into many improvements. Bring it on! Went to Deist
and picked up fire system fittings, talked with Joe
Hansen about rules, SFI ratings, NHRA requirements, etc.
on the blower restraints and belts, and bought 6 new
trailer D-ring plates. I only need four, but two are to
cover the old plate locations. These plates are not show
pieces, but are newer than my old (circa 1965) plates. I
may get them chromed at a later date. Mil-spec Rob is
buried at work, so I may just have to wire it alone, or
wait until he comes over and says what he’d do.
Meanwhile, I’ll relocate the shift module (bubble gum
welding at your service) with some new tabs on the
frame, rewire it (very local connections), and work on
devising a 12-volt tap to put up near the mag for a
timing light, bump starter, etc. Have NOT found the
remaining brake line for the right side. Did find out
from Maher that using flexible braided stainless lines
is OK for the fire system. It might make routing easier.
Body Shop Nick did NOT call (but assured me he will call
later tonight), so reached him tonight, and for the 10th
to the x-power time: “I’ve got to make some money this
weekend, and it’s going to rain, but I promise I’ll get
it in here next week, bear the slings and arrows of
those who’ll berate me for working on that piece of
crap, and get it done.” Now with support like that, how
can I not feel happy and optmistic? The point is, it’s
become very tough to close out a lot of little and
not-so-little areas on this car.
Oh, you hadn’t noticed?
I was watching one of those animal shows on the
Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark
bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright
Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good...
They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you
tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all
right, but hold my sign.  I don't wanna lose it." 
 

2/13/00
Went by Deist and spent 90 minutes there with Joe Hansen
getting fire system fittings, a bracket, and pins. Even
Joe needed a sign. I asked him about the fire bottle
bracket, and he insisted I needed the small one. Wrong.
I asked for some fire bottle pins, and he insisted the
ones he gave me were the smallest available,
notwithstanding my assurance they were too big (they
were). I hope the fittings are correct. I did drill both
the bottle shaft and the knob shaft for the larger pins.
Mikey DID stop over on his way back from skiing. He
intended NOT to stay, but we got going, and mounted the
lift system hatch on the right quarter window area. I
have not assembled it quite like the diagram, but it
works nonetheless. I’ll need to have an inserted pan
made to hold the 2 switches and air connector, and have
designed that. Once in place, I’ll mount the lift system
valving and replumb that sucker. Nice little day’s work
today. Also scored a Home Depot deal on a compressor/pin
nailer combo. I’d lost my trailer compressor to a thief
a while back, and this was the  right move at the right
time.
I also looked at a Honda 6500-watt generator. WHY? I DO
have the Onan 6500 mounted and wired, but it is only 120
volts, as you astute readers recall from all the hoopla
with the step-up transformer, etc. Well, that damn
transformer still has not been wired properly, and I’m
looking at just offing the transformer somehow, shedding
175 pounds of its weight (can you believe I’m saying
this?), and offing the Onan as well. The Honda is priced
right, and of course I have NO money (the compressor was
on my Visa). I’ll consult Capt Laur tomorrow. The Honda
is also substantially bigger, and will require remaking
of the enclosure and bench supports. I called Tony the
electrician to run it by him as well. He thinks a supply
house nearby might take the transformer, and he’s
willing only to pay $500 on the Onan. I can’t mount the
compressor until I decide on the generator, as it
impacts the compresor space under the bench. Decisions,
decisions. See, thousands of details, all important, to
be handled to do it RIGHT. In retrospect, I should have
just held out for a 220 generator. Thanks for the
advice. The racing has really become rather incidental
in the total scheme of things. I really want a
brilliantly polished piece and operation.  For you couch
potatoes, here’s the Monday TV listings for Iraqi TV:
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal

2/14/00
FAXed a drawing of the side window pan to Alan at Delta
Sheet Metal and another two shops. Once fabricated, I
can proceed on the replumb. Laur is not in a hurry to
get his frame in here particularly while we’re making
barrels of cabinet-fabricating dust. I assured him we’re
pretty much done with that, and can do our future
cutting outside. As today is rain (and I’m not watching
Iraqi TV), and no jobs are demanding, I’ll do the
Sanderson Condor templates (nah!!), and continue
organizing the garage. Mikey is returning Wednesday
(THANK YOU!). I’ll be visiting Deist today with my fire
bottle for the real story.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Huntsville,
Alabama where bozo Larry Sloan tried to hold up a pawn
shop. Our bozo was obviously not prepared for the shop
owner to put up a fight because after getting involved
in a struggle with the owner our bozo staggered off down the
street in a daze, leaving his getaway car in the pawn
shop parking lot. The cops arrived, checked the car and
confirmed that it did indeed belong to our bozo. Inside the car
was a "To do" list for the day that included the item, "Rob
pawn shop."

2/15/00
Well, maybe TODAY I’ll get there, along with making
those templates! Got the lift system body plates/mounts
in yesterday. These are the exterior aluminum strips
about 5” by 1.25” mounted on the hood and the rear top
areas to cover the 4 holes which take the eyebolts used
to hang the body. In the rear they are basically just
cosmetic, in the front they actually hold the brackets
underneath. It took some doing, but they’re done. Also
mounted the light bar. This was fairly easy as the
original holes were obvious from below where bondo was
hanging from the old openings. Also set the rear wing
and spill plates on the deck. Yup, they’re not quite
level, though not horribly so. Probably the realistic
thing is to remake the wing itself in a slight wedge
shape (about an inch higher on the right) as mentioned
back two updates ago. Tanner Brewer, a fellow who
happened along in 96 when I eviscerated the tin and body
at LACR, and who helped me do my first fiberglass work,
just popped up again. He claims interest in helping me
sanitize the underside of the body (replacing Dan Church
in this area). We’ll see if he shows (he is elusive, to
say it politely). Randy Laur has suggested trying
Hoosiers instead of Goodyears on the rear, at a savings
of several hundred dollars. I’m investigating where and
how. They work fine for Warren Johnson, so no doubt
they’ll do fine for us.
No result yet from the four FAXes on the quarter window
pan.  Well, Joe Hansen went and got the bigger brackets,
and they were TOO big!. So he remeasured the bottles,
and decided the original brackets were correct, but way
tight. So he smashed down the rubber O-rings and then
tried them, and bingo! It seems like a ludicrous
procedure to have to lube the rings, lube the bottles,
crush the rubber down, and fit the bottles, but that’s
the choice, or else install a gasket for the larger
clamps (he didn’t want me to do that). So back to the
originals it is, with lube. I think I’ll let him keep
the sign anyway. While the car is inching along, we’ve
made great strides in the cabinet arena. The garage
cabinets are up, and save for a few more in the
stratosphere, are functional. We’ve now built the bath
cabinets (thanks to my VISA card), and are working on
the beautiful Appleply drawers. Appleply is a 9-layer
1/2” plywood using prefinished Maple on both sides. VERY
expensive, but quick and pretty. As you recall, the 1/4”
material is what we used for the sliding doors in the
garage cabinets. So we’re poised to store away yet more
stuff. Jason is busily assembling drawers and getting
the slides in place. I am MOST anxious to get these in
place to get yet more crap off the floor!!!! The garage
cabs and shelves are in, so I’m going to start in there,
unloading lotsa material from the trailer. And oh yes,
do those Condor templates.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield,
Virginia where bozo Terry Robinson was leaving the
Springfield Mall when a security guard confronted him
and accused him of shoplifting. Our bozo firmly denied he
had stolen anything and to prove it, he proceeded to drop
his pants to show he wasn't hiding anything. And we mean he
wasn't hiding ANYTHING. While he was dropping his
clothes, the security guard checked the bozo's jacket and found
the shoplifted pair of athletic shoes. And by the way, our
bozo was not only arrested for shoplifting, he was also
charged with indecent exposure.

2/18/00
No templates, but I DID land a hefty check!! So now we
can proceed with more of the de-stuffing of the
property. More storage has been created out back, the
junk per the front yard citation has been retired (the
inspector was complimentary to our efforts), and the UP
HIGH cabinets are in the garage. We have shelves to run
in the high cabinets, and eventually doors and other
pretty sutff. But for now, getting the shelves in will
unleash the flood of unloading stuff from the floor and
in the house. I hoisted the body up last night, after
nearly ripping the winch out of the wall! I’d forgotten
to disconnect the rams and the body pivot!! I shant
forget that lesson again. We’ve done the groundwork on
the new side storage (for the barrels of alcohol, tile
saw, lawnmower, radial arm saw, and other goodies) to
liberate space for the Condor, Bird, and Dually to get
inside mid-next week. With the rains, it’s just not
worth subjecting those tools to the moisture, even under
tarps. Tanner is working well, and we may get a shot at
cleaning the underside of the FC body tomorrow (nah!),
if we move some stuff around (another echo?), and roll
it out on the driveway for waterblasting and scrubbing.
Talked with Nick, who sounded actually excited about
someone doing the final prep for paint. Tanner and I can
certainly do the final bondo touch-ups prior to the
final two layers of primer and blocking. That process
should handle any imperfections we may create. I’ve done
more wiring refinement, but I need some wiring materials
at this point to complete the run from the sensor at the
mag to the shift module. I made up the miscellaneous
connections to allow the loom to be dismounted once the
car is ready for prettyfication. I also really need Rob
Anderson to get by here and tune up my wiring tune up.
It’s been most of a week without any sight of Randy
Laur, and his absence is very noticeable. He’s been
overwhelmed with other stuff, and hopefully will get a
day on his own rig soon. We’ll be done creating sawdust
in the next day or so in the garage (nah!), so he’ll be
safe to move his chassis in here after that (not that
he’s even ready yet).
Here’s the rest of the week’s IRAQI TV lineup:

WEDNESDAY
8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00 Just Shoot Me
9:30 Veilwatch

THURSDAY
8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless
Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY
8:00 Judge Saddam
8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darnedest Things
9:00 Achmed's Creek
9:30 No-witness News

2/19/00
Tanner is working on the dually starter (Autozone
special which failed after 4 months). And he’ll address
the apparently failing center support or U-joint(s) in
the work truck. THEN, I’ll get him on the FC fiberglass.
Turns out it was NOT the U-joint, but the rear trans
mount and one engine mount in the work truck, along with
a leaky engine oil pan. The starter in the dually was
exchanged (thanks AutoZone) for a slightly heavier duty
unit with a slightly longer nose (the correct truck
version), which may have been the problem. We’ll see.
The FC now appears slightly cleaned up with the body
off, and the wholesale wiring changes are now apparent,
as there’s MUCH less to see. Less is good.

2/21/00
As it has been POURING rain for the last 3 days, we’ve
been forced to deal with some water issues: the
carefully crafted sump pump parade (3 of them for
surface water) FAILED. In all fairness, after 4 hours
with my plumber, changing check valves, using a blow-bag
to pressure-blast the lines, etc., I found that an old
line under the garage was packed with some cementious
type stuff. I devised a segmented ram, like an oil
drilling rig, and got lengths of water pipe sequentially
inside this ABS conduit and rammed the blockage loose.
This shot half a day. The remaining half, after running
out on a client roof problem, has been devoted to
cleaning the MUCHO sawdust and other debris from nearly
everything. I’m smokin’ my very nice Sears 5.5 HP (that
HP rating is utter crap), but nonetheless very powerful
shop vac. In this case, “sucks” is good. We’ve got a
partial dump load once again in the truck, along with
the framing materials for the 15’ of east side shed.
Tanner has been lubricating all tools against the
incessant moisture, and is busy changing motor mounts in
the work truck. The FC body is floating blissfully in
the ceiling, and the chassis does look a bit less
cluttered. I was unable to get to FAXing Alan Whitman at
Delta Sheet Metal the fine details of the side window
and air system pan, but will do so in the morning. No
Condor templates as yet, but tomorrow, for sure!!! I’m
into loading up the cabinets and emptying some clutter
out of the trailer. ‘Course there are 4 HUGE pipe organ
crates in there, but that’s not clutter (Pete
Mauriello’s garage is bonafide, certifiable clutter. Or
massive potential value, to be kind).  I might stick the
remaining three organ crates now sitting in the garage
in the trailer to provide for building THE bench.
Happily, one piece of useless clutter IS going: the
Moped out back. I’m offing it to Tanner at his request
for $75. That’s a net loss of about $100, and I’m happy
to endure it to get rid of more stuff. At some point in
the future I’ll have to dial-in the pit bike I bought
from Gary Densham. A bright yellow paint job and some
prettyfying will be in order. For now, just keeping it
from rusting out will be a major win. Another major win
has been simply having a little cash to actually get
some help, buy a few parts, and DO something. Dumb law:
It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a
church. 

2/22/00
OK, the templates are DONE!! Traced, in the envelope,
stamped (metered), out the door. Also measured the air
circuit platform, and decided on a 13 x 24 in polished
stainless steel plate mounted tight to the firewall on
the right cockpit tin. Hey, everything new is going to
be pretty. Capt Laur again did not make it by, but we’re
progressing anyway. Ditto for the plumber, who has come
back into the fold for half a day, only to do his no
show number again. Yeah, yeah, get someone else. I did,
actually. I’m just banking on his guilt to work it to my
favor! Tanner had the utterly most unproductive day
today (personal probs), so we’re looking for tomorrow to
be a pick-me-up event. Another head popped off one of
the body hoist pulley lag bolts, so there’s some
re-thinking to do there. Tomorrow will be a “get the
dually inside” day, along with the Condor. I’ll have
Tanner do the thing I’ve been avoiding: jacking up the
engine and/or undoing the steering knuckle to extract
the driver’s side header. As it will be raining again
either tonight or tomorrow, the sooner we get the
vehicles in, the better. Tanner also needs to change the
work truck motor mounts, do perhaps it will see shelter
before the dually. Carlos got the flagstone in for the
15 x 4 area of new storage on the east side of the
house. Now Jason can launch into the framing, as the
lumber is sitting on the truck (getting wetter). As an
aside (I know, almost everything seems to be an aside to
the actual FC), I went on a construction bid at Ruth
Buzzi’s house today (remember Laugh In?). Still funny as
can be. She has the property I should be in: a perimeter
driveway (literally around the edge of the entire LARGE
property), with a massive enclosed carport along one
side. Oh yeah, would the race car look cool there on
Rossmore Ave! Son Mike came by, but for skiing prep, not
FC work. We’re taking off (most uncharacteristically)
for two days of skiing, just the two boys and me. And
Mammoth has TONS of snow.
Dumb law: Toads may not be licked
Dumb law: You are forbidden to spit on the ground within
5 feet of another person (now that’s really not so
dumb).
Dumb law: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand
sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Macomb, Illinois
where the police responded to a call of possible drug
activity and surprised a couple of teenaged bozos who
jumped out of their car and ran into the nearby woods.
The cops decided to try to scare the bozos into giving
up by letting Rexbo, the police dog, bark directly into the cruiser's public
address system. As you might imagine, the bark sounded like it
came from a very large dog. The cops then announced that
the bozos should give themselves up or face the soon to be
released Rexbo. The bozos quickly gave it up, telling
the cops not to let that huge dog anywhere near them.

2/23/00
Spent the day NOT putting the dually in, but rather
tarping a roof, fixing mine (shit!), and heading out to
Mike and Brian’s to tarp their roof as well. My leak
(directly over the bed, of course) is a recurring one. I
finally corrected an incorrectly installed pair of
skylights. Two years ago I had corrected 4 other ones,
but these last two were not leaking (then), so I left (I
thought) well enough alone. NOT. It is rewarding to just
jump in, do it right, and be done with it. This will be
the umpteenth time I’ve repaired the ceiling in that
area! And hopefully the last. Dropped the body back down
and rolled the car forward to allow John to start the
sanding prep for the staining of the rafters over the
FC. This is the 8x8 skylight area which has three 2x6
rafters running through the open space. Putting a finish
on them will class it up considerably. Haven’t really
had a chance to load up the cabinets much. The really
garage clutter is now the four major pieces of equipment
and the alcohol barrels, all of which can not be moved
until the weather breaks and Jason gets the new east
side shed area framed. There is stuff piled on TOP of
the trailer, and in a few other areas, but for now,
clearing those major items will liberate the dually’s
spot. We will roll the Condor in later to provide
sheltered working area for Tanner while I ski. The side
window pan and stainless air switch plate are done, but
Delta closes early (union shop), so it’ll have to wait
until t he weekend. I’ll have my darling Millie grab
these items tomorrow (as they close on Saturdays).

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number
1111: It's not usually a good idea to go on the number
one rated TV show in the country if you're wanted by the
cops.
From Knoxville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Mike
Stacey who was a contestant on last Sunday's edition of
"Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" Our bozo never made it
out  of contestants' row but his appearance made him a minor

 celebrity back home in Tennessee and attracted the
 attention of the cops who noted that our bozo was
wanted on several charges. When he showed up at a local radio
 station the following Monday to tell of his New York
City adventure, the cops were waiting and arrested him.

2/27/00
And she did so. Skiing at Mammoth was beyond xlnt. I
TOTALLY cremated my quads by 2 PM the first day. Day #2
was more of the steep and deep, culminating in two runs
down the toughest run on the hill (and among the
nastiest in the country): Hangman’s Hollow, a 55-degree
incline shaped like an hour-glass through narrow rocks.
My two sons are superb athletes, and had a great time.
Mike is on his way over now for two hours of FC rubbing.
We’ll work on installing the side window panel and the
brake pedal. I need some 8-32 stainless allen button
head bolts and nylocks for that area, but we’ll do what
we can with what we’ve got. Progress has been made on
the east storage: the stone floor is in, the roof is
framed, some items are over there, and we’re waiting for
the rain to stop to finish the electrical, facia and
roofing. I’ll probably go for some sliding door system
there to hold down dirt and moisture (along with a
couple of 5-gallon buckets of salt) and perhaps a fan to
further decrease humidity. Shelves are up in the high
garage cabinets (not all, though), and a lot of stuff is
off the floor, with more to be hoisted. The heater is
working in the garage, so it remains toasty and
comfortable in this weather. Pat Manley (Mr. AC), has
yet to bring the grilles to complete the system in both
the garage and the new office. The truck DID need a
u-joint after all, it failed on the freeway yesterday
morning, and Tanner basically shot a whole day fixing it
out there on the shoulder. Returned to Ruth Buzzi’s
place for a $10K+ electrical bid for their sprawling
office complex in their Hancock Park 7500 SF home.
There’s perhaps a $100K of work there, but how much
they’ll do is as yet unknown. Why mention it? Because it
may provide the MONEY to continue with the FC!
Dumb law: You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots
unless you already own at least two cows.
Dumb law: City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in
a public place without its master on a leash."

2/28/00
Tanner has vanished, the work truck did NOT get fixed,
just limped home on Saturday with a makeshift u-joint,
and is now up the street getting a new pinion yoke and
the proper assembly at GK Auto. Oddly, along with
Tanner, my roofing coil-nailer gun has disappeared
(coincidence?). This is most upsetting, as we’re doing
the roofing over the east shed right now (one day I WILL
lock up all the tools-hey, I got the Condor templates
made, didn’t I?). Haven’t heard yet from Sanderson on
those Condor templates, but will check tomorrow.
Tanner’s girl friend called to reveal his whereabouts,
and claims she’ll have him home (here) tonight. He did
show, and explained all. Mounted the quarter side window
hatch and pan with Mike on Sunday. That turned out to be
LOTS of cutting and relieving for hinges, etc. Thank
goodness the pan is aluminum and not the stainless I’d
requested!! Ready to set the two lift switches, and hunt
down a bulkhead fitting for the external air inlet.
Labeled all the air lines, then cut the system up for
reassembly on the stainless panel. Buzzi called, anxious
for her bid. I’ve got about 5 bids in the pipe to finish
right now. Meanwhile, I’ve got to chase down some longer
stainless button head allen 8-32 screws at Joe Factor
for the side hatch, the windows, a lot of the tin
connections (I want to make them new and pretty), and
for the wing assembly. Randy’s dropping by in the
morning, so I may get some direction and focus.
Meanwhile, he is being delayed more and more on his FC,
what with family, house, taxes, and other car stuff.
Even at his leanest, his horsepower stable puts a lot of
mechanical on his plate.
Dumb law: Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market
Street unless they are on a leash.
Dumb law: It is illegal to wipe one's car with used
underwear.
Dumb law: Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

2/29/00
Scored yet another Mallory Mag 3 (clockwise rotation)
today, in order to get the PSI rev limiter with it (for
Randy). This makes FIVE mags between Randy and me, I’m
just bagging it for Randy, unbeknownst to him. I’m
working to sell the surplus mag through Jim Maher. Went
to Joe Factor and did score about 80 stainless 1/2” long
#8-32 button head allens and 80 nylocks, plus some
possible strapping for the blower belt guard, and went
down the street to Allen Bolt and got the longer 1.5”
allens for the side hatch. It cost the same for 20 small
bolts from Allen as 160 pieces from Factor. The truck
u-joint ended up costing another $160 (ouch!), and
Tanner has returned productively from the dump run. That
gets us back to where we were to be last Saturday
morning. Tomorrow we score MORE really nice cabinets on
another demo job (remember the free ladder? Same guy).
We just have NO room for any more, too bad.
Also went to Numatics for the VERY hard to find bulkhead
air fitting for the side window. It took some creative
matching, but I think I’ve got it, plus some additional
fittings. Mounted the side window hatch and pan with the
longer bolts, drilled and mounted the two switches and
air fitting, and found we need washers behind some bolts
so they don’t pull through the fiberglass in the
stiffening rib areas. Tanner quickly got them locally
and returned. These ribs are just styrofoam covered with
fiberglass, so their crush resistance is low. Drilled
the rear bulkhead for the fourth air line through there,
so I’m ready to lay up the stainless panel valves and
tubing. If you thnk the descriptions are arduous,
imagine the doing!
Dumb law: Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
Dumb law: You may not have more than two dildos in a
house.

3/2/00
Did the demo job. The fellow did not give us another
ladder, but gave us a SAFE! Rick is taking it, and John
is scoring some of the cabinets for his place. Tanner is
off at the dump, and will likely recycle some of the
brass. Randy will swing by today. Did the lift system
plumbing on the stainless panel until 1 AM the other
night, and found I need a 1 to 4 connection for the high
pressure. That will pretty much complete what needs
doing, other than mounting the panel and getting some
looms/clips to keep the tubes neat and appealing.
Dumb law: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing
soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
Dumb law: It is illegal for men and women over the age
of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when
smiling.

3/3/00
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a
mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his
wife, building a
solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of
the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the
other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some
work done." This is analgous to the FC. The FC is my
mistress and the plant, and my wife DOES exhibit some
jealousies regarding time spent out there. I realize I’m
the only person in the world who’s ever experienced
this. I was out in the garage until midnight working on
the lift system. Ordered some clips for the tubing
(little looms), which won’t arrive until Wednesday from
Oregon.

3/7/00
Got nothing done today, but did work REAL late last
night, screwing with the blower pulleys. I re-discovered
that the RCD blower belt guard LIMITS the upper pulley
size to about 32 teeth! This makes it a drag! After
three complete pulley changes (upper and lower), I’ve
now somehow cross-threaded the crank pulley blower bolt
holes, so have been excruciatingly slowly re-threading
those 6 holes. It’s in a bad place, and affords about 1”
of movement each time. I can not locate the proper size
socket to remove the front pulley! Ratican claims it’s
nothing special, but I’m stumped. Today I’m sick, but
from vitamins! I tried ab unch of new stuff today (per
my doctor’s recommendation), and WHEW! Dizzy, nausea,
bonked. Go figure. Capt Randy7 is “plinking” away on his
Newbury house, edging closer to the brink of moving back
in. He’s about two weeks away from reaching the critical
point, pivoting of course on the sale of the Palmdale
house. He’ll feel like he has two weeks more a month
when he quits the Palmdale round trip every day! I’m
promised a large check tomorrow, which might fund new
tires for the FC. We’ve got rear brakes to install (and
test the calipers for stickiness), set some brake lines,
find a driveshaft collar, and get a few parts bolted on.
That’s all. In reviewing some notes, it’s gratifying to
note that the Condor is STILL not done (Brad now can not
do it until Tuesday nest week), the butthole in San
Berdu has paid nothing, the BAR has done nothing, but
that we have accomplished getting the heads and manifold
on, pushrods in. We found, OF COURSE, that ONE Lunati
rocker arm and adjuster nut were missing from the sealed
pack (which had been opened and closed by Shanon’s in
Minnesota, leaving out a single unit). So ANOTHER week+
wait for the missing part. This sounds like my accounts
receivable!! The web site is claimed to being close to
done, awaiting an e-mail right now for samples of the
final thing.

3/9/00
Web site maker Hooman claims another 24 hours or so and
the site will be up. We’ll see. Meanwhile, the CIFCA
meeting last night was lovely, with everyone denying
being the culprit for posting my recent 10,000 word
update on the web site guestbook. It was obviously
fraudulent, as the sender address (supposedly mine) was
in fact incorrectly spelled, a sure giveaway. Learned
another expensive lesson: the beautiful RCD blower belt
guard does NOT let me use more than a 31 or 32-tooth
pulley on top. This is completely unacceptable for CIFCA
cars. On a fueler, running 40% or more overdrive, a 29
or 30-tooth pulley works fine with a 40 or 42 down
below. For me, running maybe 10% over or so, I need
about a 39 and 35 on top. So off comes the guard, and
I’ll look into the Nathan Bugg guard, or just make one.
Ughh!!! Numatics called and said they’re shipping the
tube looms today. They were supposed to have been
shipped directly to me! Wow, I really wonder when (if
ever) the world will actually just do as someone pays
for and asks? Like, how about winning the next 55
million Lotto? I mean, really, I paid for my ten buck
ticket!! Well, I DID win the 50-50 at CIFCA last night,
for a cool 22 bucks (for a ten-buck investment). Capt
Laur is off and running to the March meet with his
buddy’s twin-six dragster (about a thousand HP!) and
then Mammoth, so is out of the picture for 10 days.
Jason completed the install of the unique, side-load,
DW-designed kitchen cabinets (HOORAY!!), thus providing
yet MORE room for STUFF. Also had the DSL tech out here
debugging a little more, and Jason will be getting back
to work on the work bench in the garage tomorrow
afternoon. Landed a cool $11K check today, which will
provide a few moments of breathing room for writing SOME
checks. Ohhhh, how I’d like to spend that check directly
on the FC. Mil spec Rob is dropping by tomorrow
afternoon, and may gift me with some thoughts on
cleaning up stuff. I’m itching to hear what’s the story
with Vortech, etc. The goal for today is to be on the
track within 6 weeks. We’ve got an April opener at
Sacramento, and I’m REALLY shooting to make it. Tanner
and I won’t get much time this Saturday (packed with
bidding), and Mikey will not be here Sunday. So, it’s
crunch time, particularly on the paint. We can’t race
without the car having painted, and we’re doing it only
once, in yellow, and nice. I’m at about 18 pages and
6500 words on this update, so it may be time to hit the
e-mail and renew. I’ll wait until the site is up, and
post this for reading, along with the ENTIRE previous
liturgy.
It’s time to call Nick.

3/12/00
Well, not only did I call Nick, I went to see him, but
for a different reason. Tanner scraped a fender on the
dually, did some bodywork on it, and I took it to Nick,
who promptly ground it all off and will start from
scratch on it today. Nick is a maddening series of
contradictions. He wants to do nothing but work on
building some awesome cars, but works only on the
day-to-day stuff, unable to put the business down (he
absolutely does NOT need the money). His dreams will not
come true, but mine are, because of my relentless (to
his amazement) grinding away at them. That, and these
nearly endless diaries reminding all just what it takes.
Today will be an opportunity for Tanner to get
instructed on how Nick wants the FC bodywork done. Rob
Anderson did not make it. I’ll get to work on the tubing
clips today. Pulled the RCD blower belt guard off, and
installed a 39/36 combo. Of course, I’m missing the two
blower gaskets I’ve had here for literally 4 years. So
bolting the blower down will wait for gasket(s). I’ll
take the hat and pump to Enderle on Monday (make that
Tuesday) for flowing. Did get the angle fitting last
week needed for the fuel pump, so that’s done. There IS
progress, if ever so minutely incremental.

3/13/00
Some giant regression. Bad news: Tanner’s now
ex-girlfriend stole some tools. She is a crazy,
meth-shooting, pathological lunatic, who has involved
me. So a couple of hours at the  police station, with
more time for the insurance, etc. to come. Good news:
Tanner is now back living in the trailer, insuring some
work will get done here. Bad news, he owes me a hunk of
money now. Good news: he may stick around. Bad news: I
keep finding more stuff missing. We’re up to about $1600
so far. More twists on this later. Ronnie Stearns,
driver of the legendary Ratican-Jackson-Stearns fiat
topolino couple (sitting right inside the door at the
NHRA museum), dropped by to rewire the telephone punch
block. He had used some wire which turned out to be
slightly too thick, and numerous connections were
dropping away (it wouldn’t hold being bent on the lugs).
All done, all fixed. Don Ratican has moved to the
Arizona desert, and Stearns feels the fiat is doomed to
display. Hopefully not. Jason got the work bench in,
using a couple of HEAVY 1-3/4” thick solid core doors
I’ve had here for eons. The plumber is scheduled (!) to
reconnect the wash sink in the morning. Just show up!
Notwithstanding that I’ve had over $30K igo through my
hands during the last 3 weeks, I’m back to zippo. All I
seem to get from the cash flow is paper cuts writing
checks. We need to sign a couple more big jobs to get
some operating capital, that is to operate on the FC.
Meanwhile, other home surgery has been successful: we
got in several side-load cabinets in the kitchen, and
more to come in the east shed area. That is, money
providing, of course. Moved the acetylene torch to the
east shed, clearing more weight and garage floor space.
Tonight I’ll do some more cleaning/clearing, as the
garage cabinet shop is essentially done for a while. We
will make some trailer cabinet shelves (only 5 years
coming), etc. Tomorrow is header day at the Muffler
Connection for the Condor. And, Shanon’s sent me the
wrong Lunati roller rocker, after I waited 10 days for
the supposedly correct blue one (they sent a clear
color). Yikes! Anyway, at the minimum, an 8 x 18 space
will be vacated for a day or two.

3/14/00
Moved Laur’s welder to the east shed (hooray!!). More
floor space. We built a platform for the compressor and
reconnected it. Moved the Condor to the street, awaiting
AAA to tow it to header man. I’m on hold waiting for the
full DR# for the burglary report on the stolen tools.
THEN I’ll contact the crazy’s parole officer by FAX,
then the insurance company.

3/16/00
Spoke with Brad, the headerman today. He hadn’t done
anything, as he was now confused as to why I’d given him
extra header flanges when the originals bolts up. I had
to remind him the bolts were useless in original
configuration. Of course they do NOT, or I’d have kept
them on the new aluminum heads. “Oh yeah, OK, I got it
now.  I just didn’t want to proceed with being certain.
I also couldn’t find your number.” Amazing how far away
the 411 directory listing was from his mind, our many
converations about this issue, and his prior records of
our business. This is WHY stuff takes SO long.
FC work has halted while the scramble for cash takes
priority.
I DID find an angel ($10,000 worth!) in time to make
payroll tomorrow, and possibly next week as well.
Meanwhile, my VISA card is smokin’! We’ll cross that
fiscal chasm when we get the next bill. Tanner is busy
working our jobs, so no time for the FC. He has a
sizable bill to pay off. Will file the insurance claim
tomorrow, and request a full copy of the burglary
report. And yes, I’ve got to locate a blower gasket
(where the HELL is the pair I had??). Surest way to find
them is buy another. Randy has agreed to loan me his
bitchin’ Bador polisher and stand. Tanner will go CRAZY
with that! The garage is getting cleared out, and CAN
YOU BELIEVE IT? The plumber showed up! So the sink is
done, and paid. In order to further reduce clutter, I’ll
set the SC motor and the spare 542 on low stands to fit
under the bench. Actually, I’ve got the square tubing
here to make just such stands.
Hey, Randy.........? Tanner also disassembled the cherry
picker (retrieved from Greg’s), and it, too, can now fit
flat beneath the trailer. I probably should sell the
cherry picker. Anyone interested? The web site is NOT
operational yet, and Hooman (webman) is hard to reach.
No more money for him until it’s functioning. This is
why stuff takes so long. We have HUGE business coming
up, but neeed big money to finance it, leaving no time
or $ for the FC. This is why it takes so long to do
this.

3/17/00
No word from the webmeister. Scoring the desperately
needed $10K to operate for the next week and make
payroll cleared my head quite a bit, and I kicked out
the remaining idling bids. Rob Anderson is on his way
over this evening, on a bit of an extortive trade (I’ll
put some time into his landscaping if he shows up
here).  I think of it as mutual support. Meanwhile,
lovely Millie has suggested I just sell off the race
operation, and do something else. Thanks for the
support, but no thanks.
Rob Anderson made it by, and suggested just starting
over from scratch on the wiring, creating a detchable
loom. Actually, it IS just such a system now. Candidly,
there is not an enormous amount that can be done
differently, but he undoubtedly can make it mil-spec.
I’m creating a wiring diagram and schematic, and FAXing
it to his work on Monday morning. Son Mike is supposed
to be back tonight for tomorrow’s session, which will
concentrate on mounting the rear brakes and fire system
lines.
I may need to score a pack of frame tabs to do the
wheelie bars, wiring loom tabs, fire system mounts, etc.
The wheelie bars are rust-welded together at just one
point. Copious torch-heat, WD-40, and soaking in trans
fluid has not yet freed the joint. We’re re-mounting the
bars on some to-be-augmented rear end stiffening webs
and the underside of the rear frame rails, both
locations being WAY more accessible than the present
setup. Saw some Hoosiers in Jeg’s catalog, still rather
pricey at nearly $700/pair, without mounting. The
standard $840 with liners for the Goodyears may still be
the ticket.
Moved yet MORE stuff out of the garage into the east
shed. Now, to just clean up the “cabinet shop” debris,
roll the dually in, and get to work on th FC! I do need
to get some engine cradles-low boy dollies instead of
engine stands. I can then tuck the motor(s) under the
bench (now that I have a bench!). This will leave some
room behind the trailer when I back it in a little
further to accommodate the dually. This will be
tomorrow.
For now, it’s food and film.

3/19/00
Basically, I spent the day clearing out the front
quarter of the
garage, in front of the trailer. Backed the trailer up
about 4 feet,
backed the dually in, tossed a half truckoad of wood,
swept and
vacuumed, etc. Spent the week moving more stuff into the
east shed, cleaning the garage, really doing nothing on
the race car itself. Mike did not make it, too tired
from his travels.

3/21/00
Mike DID make it yesterday (Monday) evening. We spent
most of the time pounding a rust-welded end out of the
wheelie bars. We are re-mounting the wheelie bars to a
place of vastly more convenience and greater leverage:
the upper bars will attach to the very rear of the frame
rails, the lower bars to the rear end stiffening webs
(which will be augmented slightly). I’ll need to find
some 1” OD tubing for a sleeve when we cut the upper
bars. The lowers will remain unchanged. What WILL change
is their finish, from God-awful rust to powder coat or
chrome. I’m also going to add some tabs or a continuous
rail to hold the black Deist parachute-protecting net,
designed to prevent the chute lines from tangling in the
bars. I’m also considering a chute platform, to kick the
chutes upward at a little angle (better deployment), and
possibly a long slender tailight assmebly below the rear
bumper (actually quite high off the ground), OR mounted
above the wing.  We mounted the wing last night for a
trial fit. It’s fine. I do need to re-drill several
dozen holes (all filled during the bondo sessions), but
they’re easy to locate underneath by the polyester
stalactites hanging from the previous holes. The new
trove of #8 stainless button head allens came
immediately into service. While still mildly distressed
over the very slight cattywampus of the rear of the car
(this is original in the body mold), I’m just going to
forget about it for now. There are some remedies, none
of which I’ll likely employ.

3/22/00
Tanner has been doing a little polishing on the wheels,
tanks, straps, etc. by hand. Randy has agreed to loan me
his Bador polishing wheel and stand, with some
preliminary instruction to help us avoid tearing up the
polishing equipment. On his own car, Randy’s preference
is to do mostly powder-coating and anodizing with very
little polished aluminum, to cut down on maintenance (“I
just want to wipe it off and be done”). What polish I do
have will be clear powder-coated. These items will be
the steering wheel, steering gear, injector, CO2
bottles, misc plates on the body, side hatch, blower
collar, and incidental brackets. The tin will be gray,
some other aluminum will be anodized or powder-coated
magenta, yellow, Irridited (pale yellow), and black. The
steel pieces will follow the same scheme. The idea is to
make it clean, but not look like party favors, while
highlighting some technology with colors. Seeing some
polished wheels and other parts really helps pump up the
interest. Randy was impressed by the hatch switches and
air inlet, and the tubing “circuit board”, as was Rob
Anderson. Speaking of RA, I FAXed him his electrical
schematic today. I’ll speak with him perhaps at lunch
tomorrow for some thoughts. Also got the claim into 21st
Century Insurance on the stolen tools, etc., and am
waiting on their paperwork. In the Beyond Comprehension
Dept, Tanner has moved BACK in with his psychotic girl
friend (even quirkier details in a bit). I know why
(it’s about money, of course), but it is SO dangerous.
That’s fine, it lets me lock up the garage at night. And
that, in turn, lets me sleep at night as well. Rick has
returned to continue electrical wonderments under the
house and elsewhere. I’ll need a cable TV line into the
Garage Mahal for the 25” Zenith I practically stole from
good neighbor Ed Krause. Hey, there may be critical
episodes of the Shadetree Mechanic I may need to catch
for final FC assembly! Checked into some new MR10 Lexan
for the windshield and side windows-$418 per sheet!!!
Holy sheet!
Granted, it comes with a 10-yr scratch-resistant
warranty, but wow! Well, that brings the hard costs of
our first run up to about $1300, including new tires.
‘Course, we need paint to make any CIFCA races, so add
another thou for materials. Ouch!
And, we gotta find or make another blower belt guard. So
realistically, it appears we’re at least (with 4 weeks
to go and counting) $3K away from making an appearance
at a CIFCA race. That does NOT include any pretty work,
headlights, grapics, air-brushing, lettering, etc.
That’s probably another thou, or more.
In another disturbing turn, my website creators appear
to have pulled a fraud, absconding with my $300 deposit,
and as importantly, my ONLY copy of my FC running at
Sacto in 95 (the only run on video). I’ve sent demands
to three e-mail locations, found their website has
moved, and left numerous voice mails. Shit! Anyone good
at web/consumer fraud tracking? In yet more bizarreness,
Tanner copped to the card and tool theft today,
admitting he blamed the girl friend, who then called me
blaming Tanner for everything. So I’m FAXing parole
officers, detectives, etc. with a revised story,
including Tanner’s recantation and admission of guilt. I
could care less, just give me the money and let’s move
on. But it apperas that there is still a thief around,
as Tanner does NOT admit to taking the missing tarps or
other missing tools. Oh well, that’s what insurance is
for. Sure wrecks it for everyone else, though. I
reminded him I was acting like a big (forgiving) man,
that I was cool, but that I would personally crush legs
with a bat if a single item is missing hereafter.
I can hear the chorus in unison: GET RID OF THE BUMS!!
Soon, very soon.

3/24/00
The angelic $10K from last week has gotten us through
two pay periods. We’re hoping for about $8K before next
Friday, the first two thou will be payroll, the rest
just prayer money, and nothing will go towards paying
the loan off. Capt Laur dropped by, and picked up his
magneto and rev limiter. He paid me on the spot, whereas
I was just willing to wait until he sold the mag and
take whatever that worked out to on the limiter. Hey,
I’m thrilled, and he appears very pleased to have his
limiter, so can make more progress on his FC. I have
also seriously discussed with him taking over the $600K
lifeguard tower job which Russian Nick has handed back
to me. Randy is PERFECT for this job. It involves value
engineering (finding equivalent parts cheaper), and
ramrodding a crew into productivity (translation:
faster/cheaper). Tanner has been rubbing on various
pieces of aluminum on the trailer, showing me glimpses
of what I had hoped to see 5 years ago when I first
bought the thing. At that time, I had the trailer in a
paint shop run by a coke-smoking liar (does this sound
familiar?), only I didn’t know this info then. At that
time I got taken by this jerk for $18000, never got any
aluminum pieces polished, and it took him 6 months to
get a single coat of paint on the trailer. That hurt
then, and it still hurts. The Condor will return to the
garage tomorrow on friend Jerry Lee’s tow privileges.
I’ve used my two tows with AAA already this year. The
dually will go to bodyman Nick’s for two layers of
priming/blocking before a final coat of paint, perhaps
on Sunday (Nick works late, solitary hours). The garage
remains locked up EVERY time I walk out of it, even for
5 minutes (I’m working on a new habit here: keeping my
tools). Ordered a pair of blower gaskets from Jim Maher
just now, looking to get them Tuesday. STILL haven’t
gotten to Enderle. WILL check Monday to see if Jim
Rehfeld can get me in and out. If so, I’ll be out there
like the wind. Took a tour of San Sylmar (JB
Nethercutt’s AWESOME collection of antiques, cars, etc.)
with the Fabulous Fifties Club. Now THERE is a true
Garage Mahal. Marble floors, zillion $ everything. What
a hit of inspiration and humility! Come on LOTTO!!!!!
Carlos did a little more work on the east shed today,
lathing and lengthening a wall. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that now I have to rebuild a walkway
around the new wall just to get by. Like I’ve said, I
shoulda built this place with Velcro. Still chasing the
cyber-bandits re: my website. Found the real site by
their name in Chicago, and of course the woman firstly
doesn’t use the site anymore, and secondly knows nothing
of these two pirate-kids out here. Tried registering the
dickwagner.com domain myself today, only to have
register.com crash me twice. Does anyone out there
believe ANYTHING you read or hear?

3/25/00
Still no word from the cyber-pirates. Went ahead and
registered dickwagner.com myself, and created a home
page with some links. It will not be up and available
for a day or two, according to the instructions.  I have
NO clue as to what to do to import photos, video, etc,
nor how to dramatically alter the layout. Perhaps FRONT
PAGE is the ticket (for about $400!!). Anyway, today is
for reeling the Condor back in from the Muffler
Connection, thanks to Jerry Lee’s xlnt tow coverage.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Jurisprudence
Division. From Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania comes the
story of bozo Alvin Washington who was convicted of the
robbery of a convenience store. Our bozo, however,
argued that he was denied the right to represent himself
in the trial. So, he was granted a new trial with the
bozo this time serving as
his own lawyer. And the verdict...guilty. Only this time

instead of being sentenced to 32 years in jail he was
sent up for 80 years.

3/31/00
Did get it back, but used my own coverage (had FOUR tows
per year available). That, and $10 convinced the driver
he could deliver to the house. Once there, he was
enthralled with the FC. He wants to be on the crew.
Tanner has been prettyfying the Condor underhood,
polishing and painting things. We’re missing a few
parts, but it’s coming together. Really just a missing
water inlet elbow stands between now and running it. The
carb has been sitting, and may be dried out. George
Thompson, who has a dyno close by, and knows the
infamous Dave Smith of Condor fraud fame, is booked for
two weeks and can be of no help. George is running an
H/Stock automatic Mustang (in the mid 11’s)  at Las
Vegas for the inaugural drag race there (I’m jealous).
Son Mike came by, and we pounded the wheelie bars apart,
after soaking one joint for a week in trans fluid. We
also pounded the 2 rear brake calipers apart, as 5 of
the 8 pistons were mightily jammed on both units (4
years of sitting will do that). I’ll obviously have to
do the front now, too. Tanner has not done a lick on the
FC, concentrating on paying off his debt during the day,
and getting a few hours here and there on the Condor
before and after work. He says Saturday (tomorrow) will
see a large effort to complete the Bird.
Today is Arbitration day on a job gone bad. The owner
didn’t understand construction, and just wouldn’t let us
work. Per our contract, he owes me about $20K. I’m
praying, and mightily.

3/31/00
Post arbitration exhaustion, that’s where I’m at.
TOTALLY drained! I think it went fairly well, but it
appears it might only get up to a wash, with little or
no money to me. That’s the best case. I still have to
file a 5-page brief with the opposing attorney, a
rebuttal after that, and send both to the arbitration
tribunal. This process should take about 30 days before
a decision is rendered. God, I HATE this crap. On an
uplift: Dr. Derek has done more work on the web site. He
got the 2000 poster shot of the FC in, and it looks
fabulous. The rest of my work and endeavors should go as
well as with this guy. You want web work, he’s the man.
He also does computer trouble shooting: drderek.com.
Landed $8K plus from a job today. It was gone nearly
within the hour.

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way that it's
not usually a good idea to threaten a fry cook. 

From the International File in Leeds, England comes the story of
bozo Colin Wilson who burst into a fast food restaurant
at closing time brandishing a wooden table leg as a weapon
and demanding money. The restaurant manager, who was
standing near the deep fryer, reached over and took the
fry basket out of the hot grease and whacked our bozo
over the head with it, causing him to beat a hasty
retreat toward the door. Our bozo was arrested a short
time later after nearby hospitals were alerted to be on
the lookout for anyone with the outline of a french fry
basket burned into his forehead.

4/2/00
Mike and I worked on prettyfying the front brakes by
hitting them with a brass wire wheel on the bench
grinder. Big improvement. They function fine. Need new
shouldered mounting studs, which galled the aluminum
threads in the mounting plates. Chased those threads,
they’re good now. Will talk with Wilwood tomorrow in
Camarillo (I thought they own the former JFZ brakes, but
it is actually Sierra Racing Products which does)
regarding misc brake parts. On the agenda is scoring
some frame tabs for the wiring looms, shifter module,
new wheelie bar mounts, and the 12-volt tap near the
mag. I’ll need a few for some Dzus fasteners, too. Also
on the agenda is setting some Dzus tabs for the side
window mounting (ala McDannel). That is SO cool.
Speaking of cool, the thermostat appears wired backwards
(I didn’t do it), so I have to call for heat to get the
garage cooled. And also cool will be getting the Parker
Pumper (air for the helmet), maybe even this week.
I need to get it so I can mount it, and do the wiring to
it. When more $ arrive, I’ll go for the Kool Suit, the
liquid-cooled vest and cap mentioned numerous times
previously. Not having to send any more snail mail
updates will divert some printing/postage money in that
direction, as well as the time no longer needed to
e-mail this to everyone. As you’re reading this, you now
have it ALL available on the web site. Any  suggestions
are welcome. And JVH, thanks for the apology.

4/3/00
Sierra does not have the obsolete (of course) pieces.
Michelle was VERY helpful, referring me to Allen Bolt
(Burbank). Les Halpert does not have them, either, but
referred me to Victor at Public machinery for some
specialized machining. I could just spend a couple of
hundred bucks fo rnew calipers, plus re-making the
mounting brackets. BUT, I think I’ll try to work out the
bunged up threads and keep what I’ve got, thank you. I’m
off to Gordon at A2Z Machine for some consultation on
threads.

4/5/00
Never got to Gordon. DID get to another machine shop,
who irritatedly said he’s do as close a copy as he could
for about $80 for the 4 bolts. Now understand, NEW
calipers and shoes, including DOUBLE pistons, etc, run
about $200 for the PAIR. As set of backing plates is
$45. So for $250, I’d have brand new brakes up front.
Randy Laur looked at the situation, and after watching
me call 5 manufacturers with no luck, observed that they
would be safe as is. Both our brake systems are JFZ, and
are obsolete. They also are both working just fine. As
the funky threads will hold fine, and if I ever need to
replace, it will be with a whole new setup anyway, he
was wisely noted I should just run them as is. They’re
safe, and the studs have no reason to be removed again,
ever. Thanks once again, oh smart one.
Business has required no work on the FC. The air
conditioning guy failed to show today. We discovered the
garage thermostat is wired backwards! Makes setting the
thermostat a bit awkward.
In a grinding sort of way, pun intended, we removed the
VERY LARGE twin tree at the rear of the addition. The
base was 30” in diameter!!! Made a lot of sawdust for
the planters when we ground out the stump. What is most
maddening, of course, is that I built the addition
literally around this tree. Had I the courage and
foresight to have just pulled it out two years ago, I
could have made the whole addition about 6’ longer,
getting me the precious room I so dearly need in the
garage. Like I’ve said before, I should have made this
house using Velcro. Talk about the bozo of the day!
The fiscal situation is challenging, to say the least.
I’ve survived the last months on VISA, with the
accompanying killer interest and finance charges. I keep
hoping the NEXT big draw will cover everything, but it
does not.